It just has too

Life is so funny at times. It can have you on the highest of highs, at other times you can’t even function from system overload. One day you could be swinging from the chandelier and the next you could be struggling to dry your tears.

I’ve been on this rollercoaster for about 2 years…wait, almost 3 or is it 3. I can’t even keep up with that. But anyway, I’m pretty freaking exhausted.

Let’s see –

2014 I had brain surgery.

Same week my mom was diagnosed with cancer and faced a life or death surgery.

I walked every step with my mom for 2 years as she, we, fought that bloodsucking cancer til her death in 2016.

Then I spent 1 ½ years just trying to learn to live without my mama who was my girl, my weekend partner, my everyday gossiping buddy, my we never got our eyebrows waxed without the other mama.

And, I’m married so I fought with my husband constantly as my emotions would swing from the pendulum all the dang gone time. Highs, lows, highs, lows…swing, swing, swing.

Through it all there is always something in me telling me to just hold on. Just believe. Press on another day. Then I press through one foot in front of the other. I would slap on a smile, straighten my back and walk on. It is now October 28, 2017, almost through with the year and dang near every phone call, text, email has been bad news. This family member is battling cancer, this family member need a hip replacement NOW, this one’s dementia is getting worse fast and oh, wait, this one has cancer too. Like REALLY is all I can muster up to say. System overload is back. This time with a whole new wave of anger, frustration and sadness.

As I sit here thinking, reflecting, I keep going back to the times when something told me to hold on, to believe it’ll be alright, to press on and I know that was my FAITH. My faith, my belief has pulled me through before and it has to pull me through again. IT JUST HAS TOO!



Be Pleasant

6 Let your speech at all times be gracious and pleasant, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how to answer each one [who questions you].
Colossians 4
Today on this day that is my prayer. Lord help me to be gracious and pleasant when I am questioned about the things of this life, this world, my life, my world. I don’t expect everyone to be able to understand me. I don’t expect all to agree with me.
When one doesn’t understand or agree, I can still be gracious and pleasant. Being angry, rude, disrespectful does nothing to a situation but bring on more anger, rudeness and disrespect. All parties shut down from there. No one is listening. No one is gaining anything.
Being gracious takes practice. Being pleasant takes practice. Some need more practice than others. Some may never get it. But as for me (and hopefully you too) Lord, season me with wisdom, a pleasant attitude, grace and a grateful heart so I can be ready for the questions are plenty.